Seventeen Lovers

Seventeen Lovers For Nine Million An "unremarkable" accountant stole £9.5 million to support 17 lovers, a court in Japan heard yesterday.

Lovers sure are expensive these days. And this, of course, is why I keep my missus. She's very cheap in comparison to most other women; if you don't count the ulcers, the headaches, the tumours and the occasional heart attacks.

Blondes To Become Extinct A study by the World Health Organisation found that natural blonds are likely to be extinct within 200 years because there are too few people carrying the blond gene. According to the WHO study, the last natural blond is likely to be born in Finland during 2202.

Feminism!

Western women are not having enough babies thanks to feminism.

And whose fault is that, eh?

Breaking News from the NSPCC ...

Putin the Paedo

Staff at the NSPCC were outraged yesterday by what they described as a heinous sexual assault by Russia's president on a poor defenceless boy.

"This is what men do to boys," said Mary Marsh director of financial operations. "They pick them up off the streets and abuse them most heinously while no-one is looking. No child is safe where men are to be found. This is why the NSPCC needs your money. This boy, and all those other little boys who witnessed this heinous assault, will be traumatised for life. This is why the NSPCC needs your money. Every man is a potential paedophile. But with your money we can help to ensure that no man ever dares to get close to a child again. DONATE NOW!"

The kiss triggered intense speculation in the Russian and foreign media, with questions being raised about the president's motivation.

Tired and exhausted, David Beckham, Captain of the England World Cup football team, and his wife return from Germany following England's defeat in the quarter finals.

Nude Cleaners Required

Nude Cleaners Required A former magistrate spent more than £250,000 on call girls to clean his house in the nude, a court heard (NOTE: Link defunct).

Michael Lee, 59, paid up to £200 an hour for an escort girl to dust and vacuum his house wearing nothing but a pair of rubber gloves.

That poor woman was being exploited!

Kinky Murder Not Allowed A man accused of trying to murder his kinky wife with a latex glove was not allowed to kill her under the terms of their "punishment contract", a court heard.

He said their marriage in June 2005 got off to a bad start because she was recovering from a hysterectomy and asked not to be punished so severely.

Whinge. Whinge. Whinge.

Was there no end to this woman's demands!?

Beautiful Woman Syndrome Lack of personal and intellectual development. In spite of their lackluster personalities and tendency toward insipid speech, men still speak with BWS women because, well, men are men. I once dated a woman who had a terminal case of BWS, and she bored me to tears. Her repertoire of conversational topics was very limited, and I cannot recall even one interesting thing that she said. After I belatedly realized that she had nothing to offer except her looks, I resolved to never again date a BWS woman.

There is no such thing as a woman who is beautiful both inside and out - apart from my missus, of course!

Women who are beautiful on the outside suffer from delusions of grandeur on the inside.

And women who are beautiful on the inside don't exist.

In a nutshell; all women are deeply flawed, but those with beauty on the outside can easily dazzle the nincompoops (that's you) who fall for them, and they can expertly divert most people's attention away from the horrible reality.

And, talking of women, did you know that in Iran there are more women going to college than men? Yep; just like in the west - thus providing yet more evidence to show that feminism has had precious little to do with the 'advancement of women'.

And do you know why more women than men go to college in Iran?

No?

Well, I'll tell you.

It's because in Iran (where, allegedly, women are oppressed) men are expected to get their act together and go out to work at an early age in order to support their families; whereas women are not.

And, finally, for any feminists out there who are still proclaiming with shrill voices that "women could not go to university until recently," here are three other facts that you should know about.

1. In 1933, one third of all university degrees in the USA were awarded to women.

2. In 1924, 25% of all university degrees in the UK were awarded to women.

3. In both countries in those times, only about one percent of citizens got university degrees.

In other words, if there was, indeed, any discrimination against women in those days when it came to going to university, it was positively miniscule - affecting hardly any women at all.